What's Your Frickin' Problem with my Crocs?

Sometimes a HHMM needs a comfy pair of shoes; a pair of shoes that cushion those tired dogs at the end of a long day in the pursuit of the HHMM arts.  What features would the ultimate pair of end of day shoes have?  The would have to be lightweight... if you have been lifting a pair of mud caked boots or sopping wet wading shoes all day, you want to free those tired lower appendages from unnecessary burden.  Those shoes would also be well ventilated... if you have been hiking or wading all day, chances are your feet are the color and texture of a good old fashioned English crumpet, and they need to be air dried.  Finally, they need to have good cushion and be slip on... nobody wants to bend over to tie shoes onto sore, swollen feet, and those feet need a firm, but tender bed in which to rest.  Thanks to the marvel of modern molded foam resins, such a shoe exists, and thank goodness for Crocs.

Good to see these old friends at the end of a cold, wet morning.

I have become acutely aware in recent weeks that there are many people in this world that hate Crocs.  At least four people have teased me about my love and use of that most comfortable shoe. The ultimate insult came, however, when I was watching the latest Sacha Baron Cohen film The Dictator.  In the film, the main character General Aladeen, wonders why he has just been derided by a subordinate for wearing Crocs.  The subordinate replies, "because they are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope."  A piece of satire on The Daily Rash claims the same, and that Croc wearers are using the shoe to let the world know they are low-self esteem losers.

WTF?  Sorry my slippers don't come from J. Crew.

Turns out, Crocs are actually pretty bad ass in a number of outdoor settings as well.  Crocs are light enough to be strapped on a backpack and barely be noticed, yet they meet all of the comfort requirements described above.  They may be the ultimate relaxation shoe for a weight conscious backpacker.  Something about the tread design also makes them fairly sticky on wet rocks, which also make them nice for a stream crossing... keep your boots dry.  Sticky on wet rocks? Wear them fishing too!  Perfect for a warm day in the drift boat. If you want to get out and cast an Adams to fish rising in a riffle, no problem!

I suppose they are a little silly.  They are a bit like little girls' jelly shoes for adults, and they do come in a whole rainbow of colors.  You can even purchase little plastic charms to put in the holes, effectively adding pieces of 'flair' to your plastic shoes.  That does hint of throwaway consumer garbage crap.  Are they an anti-fashion statement? Perhaps that is the problem.  Does it bother people that I couldn't care less if my feet look cute. They certainly don't fit the search image of what some hipster girl wants when looking for a dude wearing women's pants and a pair of Italian leather elf shoes.

Don't take this as a Croc advertisement.  Go buy yourself a pair of Marlins or some other knock off.  They might not last as long, but they sure feel good when you are mixing the brine and sharpening the fillet knife at the end of a day of whacking and stacking whitefish and trout.  Trust me, you want your girl to care a whole lot more that you put an elk in the freezer than you remembered to buy your Sperry Topsiders before Greek Week.  Chicks dig a provider.

The Mini-HHMM demonstrating proper fashion for the production of backyard foodstuffs.  He is living proof Crocs don't affect fitness (in the evolutionary sense, Frat Boy).

Christmas in July.

Fall hunting season begins well before the first arrow is nocked in an antelope blind, or the first smoking shells are ejected from a family heirloom in the grouse woods.  Hunting season begins in the spring and it begins with a cup of coffee and a fresh copy of the new big game regulations.  Any self-respecting HHMM (or HHMW) spends many hours pouring over the newspaper print pages trying to piece together the most epic fall possible.  Google Earth tabs stay open on the computer for weeks on end.

Of course there is always dreams of drawing that once in a lifetime trophy hunt, but really it always comes down to how to put the most meat possible in the freezer.  You know the phrase "make hay while the sun shines?"  That applies to hunting big game.  You should always get as many cow tags, extra deer tags, and antelope tags as you can.  Why?  Because you never know when you will have a few tough seasons, or when life gets in the way of shopping for gourmet cuts in the prairies, canyons, and wooded ridges.  For example, the Mini-HHMM was born right around the start of the whitetail deer rut.  Getting out to hunt deer isn't all that easy with a newborn keeping you on your toes at 2:30 in the AM, but lean red meat is important to a healing, breastfeeding, new mom.  Good thing I had gone on safari in eastern Montana the previous fall.

So we waited with bated breath for that fateful moment in July, when that all important mailing comes from the state.  Like a letter from your number one college, you want to see the word congratulations in the first sentence.  Damn, didn't draw that antelope tag again.  Somehow I never do, even when the odds aren't that bad.  Pop pop and I didn't get our tags for fat cow elk either.  At least the letter from my safely school is more positive.  Emily and I will be doing our best to fill the freezer with a couple of mule deer tags this fall.  It isn't exactly the Christmas in July we were asking for, but it sure will be epic!